


Detroit: Become Shenanigans

by ImaHazelNut



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Dpd, Drunken Shenanigans, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed Swears, Gen, Ghost Hunting, Good Parent Hank Anderson, Hank Anderson Swears, Holidays, Humor, I try to be funny, I will add more tags as I go and character relationships, Memes, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shenanigans, Some Brooklyn 99, some plot?, squad goals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-07-15 15:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16066457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaHazelNut/pseuds/ImaHazelNut
Summary: Four months after the peaceful android revolution shenanigans at the DPD begin to unfold as everyone starts to get fond of Connor as he continues to work at the Detroit Police Department with Detroit's "finest" Along with the new android officer the RK900 who goes by "Nines" or "Richard" and of course the people of Jericho.





	1. Late For Work

**Author's Note:**

> Some stuff may be original some stuff may be from other stuff I thought was funny but I replaced the characters with Detroit: Become Human characters who are not mine btw.  
> Also please note that this is the first fanfiction I have written in three years so I am rusty.

"Hey, guys look at the clock!" Hank says while gesturing to the clock mounted on the wall above the door. "I know where all surprised you made it to work on time," Gavin remarked already sipping his coffee. "Wait for it, wait for it! It's 9:01 Connor is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let's do this whos got theories." The other police officers who overheard began to jump in "Uuuh his alarm didn't go off." Chris mused. "All three alarms all with battery backups come on who wants to take this seriously?" Hank mocked. "Oh! He was taken in his sleep" Tina said with excitement. "That's what I'm talking about super dark Chen but way more plausible then Chris's idiotic alarm clock theory" Hank replied. "I bet he tucked himself in bed too tight and got stuck" Nines joked "maybe he fell into another dimension where he's interesting," Gavin remarked. 

"It's 9 AM why is no one working?" Fowler yelled from behind them. "Connor is a few minutes late and we're all trying to guess why." Hank explained Fowler paused for a moment he crossed his arms "I'd like to play. I'd say he's in a line at the bank." "This is fun" he added. "It is fun but you're all wrong. He clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man." Hank said with amusement. A few seconds later Connor ran into the precinct but was stopped by the group of officers, Hank was the first to address him. "There he is! Connor where have you been we've been worried sick do you care to explain yourself!" Connor's LED was already yellow but to hear Hank's concern made his LED flash red for a split second before returning to a worried yellow. "I'm just seventy seconds late it's not a big deal don't worry about it," Connor said doing his best to sound calm. "Connor you will tell us and you will tell us now." Fowler said with a monotone voice which made Connor even more nervous, finally he spoke: "there was a problem at the bank..." Suddenly Fowler's face lit up "HOT DAMN!" He exclaimed everyone around him started laughing in amusement leaving Connor with more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I may or may not do more


	2. I'm Not Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter I'll do my best to make the next ones longer. If you have any suggestions or constructive criticism feel free to comment them below.

It's three in the morning and Hank isn't home yet and Connor was getting worried he was ready to look for him when suddenly Hank burst through the door. He was swaying back in forth, and his shirt is stained with alcohol. "Hank, I can't believe how drunk you are!" Hank then managed to close the front door and was welcomed by Sumo. "I am not drunk," Hank said while pointing at the annoyed android. "Yes, you are Hank," Connor said his LED would flash red every time his friend would speak to him. Hank replied a bit louder this time clearly more annoyed "I am nOT fucking drunk" after he became deviant Hank had told him that when he was annoyed he would become a 'sarcastic bitch' his words not mine and Connor getting mad himself wasn't helping the situation either.

Finally, Connor replied with "Can you tell the time?" "yes." He replied quickly and almost quietly then he turned to the clock pointing to it as he spoke: "I AM nOT FUCKING DRUNK!" Connor pinched the bridge of his nose something he's picked up after the revolution his LED now pulsing on red as it spun. After what felt like an hour of bickering, Connor helped his friend get to bed Hank was still cursing him out for accusing him of being drunk which Connor will give him an ear full for later.


	3. Amanda Buys You Mega Blocks Instead Of Legos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got a long one boys.
> 
> Inspired by the vine "shut up your mom buys you mega blocks instead of legos" I did my best to put this line in but it didn't make sense for them to say this so enjoy.

Gavin, Hank, and Tina were all in the break room sipping on some coffee and for once having a half decent conversation "So.." Tina started with a smirk on her face "How are you and that Nines guy holding up Reed?" "He's fine I guess but the plastic prick never shows any fucking emotion it's to the point where It's creepy" Gavin grumbled. "No expression at all?" Hank asked Gavin placed his mug down "No! He just fucking stares at nothing all day I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even deviant." "Then how about a little game then" Tina smirked placing her cup down "I don't trust that smile, Chen, whatever you're planning...I want in" Hank exclaimed "all you gotta do is this: make Nines show some sort of emotional reaction by the end of the workday it can be happy, sad, or even an angry one" Tina practically gushed at the thought of seeing the blanked faced android angry. "And if we do?" Gavin asked, "I don't know bragging rights?" Tina shrugged "50 bucks" Hank suggested still drinking his coffee "alright your on" Gavin concluded then the group dispersed from the break room.

"Hey, Connor" Hank beckoned, Connor had been working at his desk looking for leads on their current case "yes, Hank?" "You and Nines are the same model, right?" "We are the same RK unit but he is the upgraded version of me who goes by RK900. Why do you ask?" "I figured if your both the same model you two might have some things in common." Connor thought for a moment why was Hank suddenly interested in his counterpart he decided to entertain this thought. "While that is plausible I doubt it," he said quickly Hank sat down at his desk and began typing on his computer "What do you know about him anyway either than the fact that he's a brick wall." Connor thought for a moment then it hit him he doesn't know much about him at all technically in human terms Nines is Connor's brother but the only thing he knows about him is that he likes to go on walks and that he as taken an interest in plant life. "I've seen him tend to plants every now and then," Connor concluded. "Gardener huh? I could use that." Hank noted. Before Connor could comment Tina walked by with one of the K9 units a German shepherd, Connor immediately recognized him as Trooper he was still young as Trooper did start training a few weeks ago "Hey Rich, look who I have here!" Tina exclaimed Richard looked over to Tina and Trooper. Hank, and Gavin both looking to see how he would react while Connor admired Trooper from a distance. "Detective Chen I don't believe you should hold canine officer 'Trooper' it is his training hours currently." He said with the bland expression Tina began to frown walking out of the room with Trooper trotting behind her. Gavin saw this as an opportunity and 'accidentally' spilled his coffee on Richard's desk he immediately got up and headed for the break room to grab some napkins Hank made a beeline after him "Heeey Richard a little birdie told me that you have some interest in nature." He said trying to sound as casual as possible Richard stopped for a moment his LED flashing yellow for a second before returning to it's cool blue "Detective Anderson I hope that you are aware that birds cannot speak unless you are referring to cockatoos or parakeets but they can only mimic the noises around them." He stated, "oh for the love of-" Hank cut himself off he'd have an idea "Well anyway continue whatever it was you where doing.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So let me get this straight and do correct me if I'm wrong. You want me to deliberately make Richard angry? Or in your words 'piss him off?'" he said sounding concerned "Yes exactly that! I don't want to fork up 50 dollars alright so help me out" Hank replied, "I don't know Hank wouldn't that just ruin any chances I have with him being my friend?" Connor asked his LED stuck on yellow "Who cares about friendship at this point the workday is almost over, come on!" Hank beckoned him "I'm on the fence I want to help you but I don't want to make Richard angry besides I think we're close to solving this case." he then continued to type on his computer. "If you do I won't drink any alcohol all week!" Connor stopped typing still staring at his screen 'jackpot' Hank thought to himself that android cares so much for his well being that he would get himself fired if it meant he would start taking better care of himself Connor turned to look at him with determination "If I do this you will not drink a drop of alcohol all week, and you will eat whatever I tell you too." Connor stated, Hank knew he would regret this later but an opportunity like this is too good to pass up "Deal." Hank said the two shook hands and Connor stood up from his desk pushing his chair in Connor was on his way to Richard's desk when he was stopped by Tina and Gavin "Hey plastic where the hell do you think you're going? Huh? Don't think we didn't see your little exchange what are you planning!" Gavin jeered Hank then chimed in "You never said I could never get help!" Gavin cursed under his breath they never did go over all the rules of their game "Fine then let's see what you got your the most polite person in this whole building no way you'll get a reaction out of him." Tina scoffed Connor went up to Richard and offered a friendly hello the other three watched with anticipation "Hello Connor I hope you're doing well." Richard said as plain as always "I'm doing well thanks for asking and how are you?" Connor asked, "aside for a sticky desk everything is fine with me." Richard concluded Connor then opened a link between both and them and began to speak with him telepathically the other three walking closer to the desk confused to see them both blinking at each other "Anderson your plastic pet is broken" Gavin remarked "No he's not they're talking to each other in their minds some weird technology bullshit." Hank said rather annoyed suddenly Richard's LED changed from blue to red then Richard spoke "Well Connor I don't think that was appropriate then again you are inferior compared to what I was made to be" it almost sounded foreign there was a hint of anger in his voice "shut up everyone knows I was Amada's favorite" Connor said smirking "you take that back" Richard said now standing and gesturing at Connor. "Come on she spent the most time with me and praised me almost daily while you didn't even last a full 24 hours with her." Connor remarked, "Oh really?! What were her words again? I believe they were faster, stronger, more resilient!" Richard added both androids where obviously getting angry with each other "Yeah and then she would have dumped you in the trash once the next model came out! Just like what she was going to do to me!" Connor practically yelled the last part Gavin decided to butt in "alright calm the fuck down there are a few more minutes left on the clock we-" Gavin was interrupted by the two androids looking over at him both LED's where spinning an angry red "STAY OUT OF THIS REED!" They both yelled making Gavin's jaw drop "Holy shit" Hank said to himself the whole precinct gasped as they continued their argument a few seconds later Tina asked "Who the fuck is Amanda?! What do you both have the same ex-girlfriend?" She joked clearly getting a kick out of this,then Fowler interrupted their argument "CONNOR, RICHARD MY OFFICE NOW!" His voice boomed across the whole precinct they stopped shouting immediately when they realized the whole precinct was watching the whole time, Richard was already on his way to Captain Fowler's office Connor looked at Hank and said: "I hope you remember our deal Hank because I tend to extend the time period." "Hey, I said to piss him off not to start a war come on!" Connor's back was already turned to him as he stepped into Fowler's office Gavin handed Hank 50 dollars still in shock Tina did the same "You win Anderson" she said half-jokingly. Hank did win in fact he was almost proud of his victory but what he didn't know at the time was that Connor would have successfully gotten Hank to not drink any alcohol and eat healthy for almost a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Connor said to Nines while they where communicating telepathically is up to you to decide


	4. Play Despacito

Day 1  
"Aw fuck my coffee!" Hank had spilled some of his coffee on the floor "Don't worry Hank I can clean it up for you and make you a new cup if you'd like." Connor said reassuringly. "This is so sad..." Hank said genuinely sounding upset "It's not tha-" Connor was cut off by Hank when he said, "Connor play Despacito." "I'm sorry I must have misheard you can you repeat that?" Connor said as his LED spun yellow "I said this is so sad Connor play Despacito!" Hank said a smile forming on his face "But you don't appear to be sad and from what I could find Despacito is a song that came out in early 2017 something from your generation. I don't see how this is relevant to your coffee being spilled." Connor said while tilting his head a little to the left "whatever here help me clean this up will yeah?" 

Day 2  
"We believe the victim was shot in the head first then shot in the stomach six times afterward," Chris said. "Oh my god this is so sad Connor play Despacito," Hank said with a sad voice. "Hank again I can't play music if you want I can get you a music player so you can play it yourself." "No, no this will do..." What will do what does that even mean? Connor thought to himself "anyway got any idea of who killed him?"

Day 3  
Connor was happily petting Sumo while sitting on the couch his fur was soft and warm then Hank walked out of room to see the sight "Are you happy Connor?" Hank asked, "Why wouldn't I be?" Connor replied, "Oh, this is so sad Connor play Despacito." Connor immediately stopped petting Sumo and stood up clearly annoyed "Hank I actually can't play that song why do you keep telling me this? And I was enjoying myself how would that be sad?" Connor exclaimed " "It's nothing really."

Day 10  
Connor was fed up with this whenever something of the slight significance happens Hank would tell him to play 'Despacito' some other officers even started to tell him this as well. While he did tell his fellow officers he actually can't play music they all tell him to anyway, it was starting to drive him crazy all he knows about this is that it's a song from the year 2017 something from Hank's generation he decided to listen to the song to see if there was any relevant content in there for what he was experiencing but there was nothing for him. He couldn't figure out why Hank would say it on a daily basis and why it seemed almost funny to him if someone tells him to play Despacito one more time-

Day 14  
Connor thinks he's losing his mind maybe he's stuck in a time loop or in what seems to be the android equivalent to limbo he thought about telling Markus about this but he didn't want to bother him over something so trivial Connor had been rolling his coin on his fingers when he suddenly dropped it taking him out of thought he forgot he was at home it was 8:31 pm and he had been thinking about Despacito for 30 minutes now something he did not want to do Hank noticed he dropped his coin so he said "this is so sad Connor play Despacito!" He said almost laughing Connor has had it "what do you mean by playing Despacito Hank you know I actually can't RIGHT?!" Oh shit, he snapped Hank thought to himself but under the circumstances, it was the funniest thing in the world "I've HAD IT!" Connor stood up while yelling "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY PLAY DESPACITO HANK?! YOU AND THE OTHER OFFICERS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!" He yelled while his LED was pulsing red "calm down Connor it was just an inside joke between me and most of the internet back in the day, jeez I knew I was annoying you but I didn't know you were losing your mind!" Connor calmed down a little feeling embarrassed "I'm sorry Hank I shouldn't have yelled it's not like me at all." He said while gazing at the floor "no, it's not your fault I took the joke too far, but you have to admit seeing you get physically annoyed everytime someone told you made my day!" Hank said cheerfully "Hey, Connor?" "Yes, Hank?" he said lifting his gaze "play Despacito."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they never saw Hank again!


	5. Did You Just Call Him Dad?

"Nice work Connor!" Hank said proudly "thanks, dad." Connor said casually everyone turned to Connor abruptly staring in both shock and confusion. "Why is everyone staring at me?" He asked "you just called Lieutenant Anderson, dad. You said thanks, dad." Nines replied, "What, no I didn't I said thanks, man." Connor assured his LED spinning a confused yellow "do you see me as a father figure, Connor?" Hank asked smirking "no if anything I see you as a bother figure cause you're always bothering me." He said rather quickly Fowler chimed in "hey show your father some respect!" "I didn't call him dad!" Connor said sounding more and more defensive "no, no, no, no Connor I take it as a compliment." Hank said a smile creeping up on his face "It's not a big deal I called my wife mom once and you know she's my wife." Chris said innocently "guys jump on that Miller has psycho sexual issues!" Connor said desperately trying to change the subject Gavin chuckled and folded his arms "old news but you calling Hank daddy-" "hey daddy is not on the table here." Connor stated, "but you did call him dad dude." Tina said in amusement "you shut up you've done nothing but lie since you got here" Connor said. You could clearly hear the discomfort in the android's voice. "Alright I was lying about the holdup but the dad thing, that happened," Tina said with a smug look "I knew you were lying about the holdup!" Connor exclaimed his eyes widening "I believe you" Hank said calmly "thank you" Connor said sounding relieved. "Son," Hank said while Connor exhaled almost violently "do you want to talk about it later over a ... game of catch?"  
Connor sighed in defeat "I'd like that."


	6. Random Antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some chapters that were too short for their own thing

Connor was invited to hang out in Jerico with a few other androids when suddenly his phone rang. "Everyone shut up, Hank's on the phone." Connor then answered his phone "Hi, Hank." "HELLO MR. ANDERSON!!!" Kara yelled, "Tell him I said hi!" Luther said cheerfully. "Connor, come back to bed!" Markus called from a distance while Josh hits the wall loudly, Simon making various sex noises, and North cursing like a sailor Connor sighed in frustration "I strongly dislike all of you right now."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Hank pass this idiot," A car was driving in front of them swaying back and forth clearly the driver must be intoxicated when Hank went to drive in front of them Connor gasped "Oh my-" "What?" Hank asked in confusion almost startled by the fact that his android just gasped they pulled up to the intersection and stopped at the red light "is that a dog in a car?!" Connor marveled as he rolled down his window "Hey, hey! are you?- Where did you learn to drive?!" Connor asked, the dog only barked in response "W h a t?!" Connor gushed over the fact of a dog driving a car Hank sighed "fucking androids"  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Did you find the perp?" Hank asked, "he used VPN software we can't track his IP." Connor answered, Hank then slammed his hands on the desk more so to get his attention "In English goddamnit!" Connor would forget that when talking about this stuff he would need to simplify it since not everyone is a 'walking Wikipedia' as Hank likes to put it. "We can't track his computer" Hank slammed his hands on his desk again "In French!" "Nous ne pouvons pas suivre son ordinateur..." Connor said with a confused look "In morse code!" Hank said again with a hint of amusement in his voice. " .-- . / -.-. .- -. .----. - / -" In the corner of Conner's vision, he could see his stress levels to start to rise when he started to convert the statement from simpler terms, French, and morse code.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------


	7. The Queen Mary Part One: The Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do something for the spooky month of October and I thought what's better than The Queen Mary?

[October 6th, 2038]

[Location: Hank's home]

"The Queen Mary since her retirement from the sea as an active liner in 1967, the Queen Mary has never been more popular as an iconic Southern California attraction, hotel, and venue for special events. The ship carried 2.2 million passengers in peacetime and 810,000 military personnel in the Second World War, but in Long Beach-" 

"I didn't ask for a history lesson Connor I asked if you wanted to come with," North said interrupting him "Markus, Simon, Josh, and I are heading to California so we could visit the Queen Mary." She stated. "Sounds like fun, the Queen Mary is rich with history," Connor said as his LED spun, you could tell he was already doing research on the ship. "Hey see if you can get Nines to come!"  
"I'm sure he will be delighted as we both enjoy a bit of history," Connor said "heh yeah tell me about it...actually don't, anyway everyone has to pitch in for plane tickets so if you do come they are $201" North added. "Thanks for the information North I look forward to joining you," Connor said happily as he hung up his phone. 

\---------

"Hank, Nines would you like to take a little vacation?" Connor asked them Hank almost looked confused that the workaholic that his friend is suggested that they take a vacation. Isn't this something families do? "Vacation you say?" "Affirmative" Connor stated. "I think a vacation seems interesting got any locations in mind?" Nines asked "California, Long Beach to be exact, North mentioned that Markus, Simon, and Josh will also be going. While we are there the group plans on staying at The Queen Mary which should be eventful" Connor said cheerfully Nines got a little excited when he heard that they were going to the Queen Mary "The Queen Mary?! Like the retired Britsh ocean liner that sailed primarily on the North Atlantic Ocean?" "Oh so you've heard of it," Hank said sarcastically "Heard of it in my spare time I often find myself indulged in the history of the ship and you're saying we get to spend the night there?" Nines gushed Connor nodded happily "So Hank will you come?" Connor asked anxiously "And miss you two gushing over a piece of metal no way" Hank answered with a chuckle "It's settled then I will let North know at once!" Connor beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of letting Gavin tag along but I'm not sure.


	8. Circletine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be part two of my mini Halloween series "The Queen Mary" but in the meantime have a glass of Circletine.
> 
> This chapter is based on an animatic I saw by David Intensifies  
> Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfahV9kQLbI  
> You should watch it it's really good

[MI, Detroit]

[5:00 pm]

Kara was in the kitchen when suddenly Markus and Connor stick their heads out the window "MOOOM WE'RE THIRRSTYY!!" They both yelled in unison. "Well, I sure hope so you kids have been playing outside for nine hours." She says while staring at the two androids almost in disapproval "yeah...." they both say again at the same time. It was silent for a few seconds before Kara spoke: "HOW WOULD YOU KIDS LIKE A DELICIOUS CHOCOLATEY GLASS OF CIRCLETINE???!?!?!?!?!!!" Kara yelled as loud as her audio processors would let her. Right on cue both Connor and Markus screeched together "CIRCLETIIIIINNNNEEEEE!!!!!" "AAAAEEEEEAEAEAHAAE" Connor added while Markus throws a glass at the wall "Get the mILK AND VINEGAR!!" Kara commanded both Connor and Markus destroyed the kitchen gathering the ingredients Markus, slams the vinegar on the table when he sees Connor coming with the milk he pushes him over causing some of the milk to spill and a bruise on Connor's face he screeches in response, Kara pours the Circletine next to the two glasses dumping it everywhere. Suddenly the door unlocks Hank opens the door "Hey, guys!" Hank says happily still standing in the door way. Before he can come in Kara turns around and screeches like a demon has possessed her "CIRCLETINNEE UUUUUHAAAAAAAAAGAGHGGGHHH!!!" She then throws the empty Circletine container at him while Hank retreats.

"MIX IT TOGETHER KDIS!" 

Connor is holding the mixer while it is on they both scream in unison yet again, Markus knocks it out of his hands and the mixer breaks one glass and knocks over another while it jumps on the counter finally Kara turns it off "It's ready!" All three of them admire the fallout of the kitchen counter smiling like the insane androids they are."go get grandpa" she says in a creepy tone still smiling. Connor sprints to the other room poking his head over the corner to see Carl reading a book "CIRCLETIIAAANNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAHHHHHHH" Carl screams before exploding his blood on every surface including Connor and yet he is still smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and left a kudos so far it makes me really happy!


	9. The Queen Mary Part Two: The Store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I said I wanted this to be short I lied ;-;
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this I hope you enjoy

[CA, Carson St.]

[7:38 pm]

"We've been driving for an hour fucking pull over!" Gavin groaned  
"When I've been to hotels they usually have the crappiest snacks in the world we need to get our own!" Hank exclaimed, "That's the one thing we can agree on!" Gavin chimed in. "Hey, Robo-Jesus make your 'followers' pull over!" He demanded "Since when was I 'Robo-Jesus?' My people don't worship me" Markus said "Says the guy who just said 'my people'" Hank replied "We are not pulling over if we pull over now it'll be dark by the time we get there" Josh explained "Besides you two will take advantage of the situation and get things you won't need" Nines replied, "Or get things with nutritional value!" Connor added "Since when was Connor the mom of the group" North said with a smirk. "Well, sorrrry but some of us actually need to eat unlike you plastic assholes!" Gavin said in a fake apologetic tone "Good thing I'm a whole snack" North says while dramatically putting on sunglasses Markus and Simon laughed while Josh tried to focus on the road "Maybe we should pull over and get some fresh air" Simon suggested "It's California there's no such thing as fresh air" Hank laughed. Josh finally caved in. "Fine! We'll pull over but only because I can't stand to hear you complaining about snacks for another hour"

\-------  
They all walked into the store Gavin and Hank we're men on a mission a mission to get as much shit as they wanted but there was a problem their androids. Connor and Richard would make sure they wouldn't get anything they wouldn't approve of, but Hank had a plan. "You need the help of little old me?" North said sarcastically "are you gonna help or not?" Hank grumbled "Oh yeah definitely," North said quickly "Why are you so quick to agree?" Gavin said suspiciously "because you two will owe me, and I could think of a thousand things I can make you do with this leverage" North giggled "crazy bitch," Gavin said under his breath already walking away "Whatever just keep them busy," Hank said hurriedly. "Just what do you think you're doing North?" Markus says questioningly "ooh you'll see!" North said joyfully.

"Hey, Connor?" North beckoned " Yes North?" "Josh wanted me to tell you that he thinks Saint Bernards are inferior compared to Rottweilers" "How could he say such a thing they are obviously-" Connor started walking towards him rambling on about Saint Bernards poor Josh doesn't even know what is coming for him; that should keep him busy for a while. "Hey, Simon! Good old Rich here is looking for some recommendations for his garden you know make it more exciting or something" She says as she pulls Richard closer to them "Oh I know many colorful flowers like columbines, trilliums, oh! Evening primrose is a lovely flower" Simon said gleefully "While those are good recommendations I personally prefer the meadowsweet flowers" Nines stated a smile forming on his face Richard did always enjoy natural things like wildlife and gardens over artificial things which is ironic saying as he is artificial himself. Perfect North thought Josh and Connor are arguing and Richard and Simon are having a conversation about flowers like two old ladies. "Your evil," Markus said while watching the events unfold. "I know I am," she says proudly "Now come on I think I see an android alcohol display!" She says as she drags him in the direction of the display  
"As much as I enjoy a drink every now and then I don't think it's a good idea," Markus says trying to convince her.

After things settled down after the revolution some companies have been coming out with android alcohol it gives androids the ability to drink and get drunk like humans some brands even came with a hangover option people mostly bought them for dares or to trick their android friends into giving themselves hangovers for the next day. Sure enough, there was a section dedicated to the android alcohol North loved getting the brand 'The Devil's Blue Tounge' mostly because of how strong it is "Absolutely not!" Markus said eying her with three bottles in her hands "Oh come on it'll be fuuuuun" she sang "Besides Hank and Gavin are going to get drinks so why can't us?!" North complained "Because once you get drunk you'll make everyone else get drunk! It's like a weird power you have." He replied, "Oh come on please?!" 

"No."

"Please!"

"No!"

"PpppleeaaSSSEE" 

"North no!"

"North YES!"

"I'll buy you a bottle of that android whiskey you like!" She teased.

"Fine, it's not like I can stop you" He caved North put the drinks in the cart soon Gavin showed up with what seemed like to be most of the snack aisle "That's a lot!" North mocked "Well when I said I was hungry I meant it can we go now?" Gavin said as he was eating a bag of chips just as he said that Hank walked up with a few cases of beer and a dog toy in the shape of a whiskey bottle "Where the hell did you find that?" North asked "Who fucking cares all I know is that I'm gonna get a kick out of watching Sumo play with it" "Hey, Robo-Jesus rally the troops and lets fucking leave people keep staring at us and it's making me uncomfortable," Gavin stated. News of the revolution was broadcast throughout most of the world so it makes sense for people to be wary when they see Markus the leader of The Android Revolution with his entourage. It bothered Markus as well but he felt out of place to ask a human to stop staring so he does his best to ignore them. "I agree with Gavin we should leave now I will send a message."

\-------

"I can't believe you got so much beer, Hank!" Connor complained "I can't believe I let North get us all that blue devil stuff," Markus said regretfully "I still can't believe why the fuck I'm on vacation with a punch of plastic assholes," Gavin said clearly sounding annoyed "I can't believe I pulled over in the first place." Josh sighed "We're on vacation we are allowed to let loose" Hank protested Connor started to get concerned his LED spinning at a steady yellow "I understand that but-" "No buts!" Hank cut him off "just shut up and enjoy the ride!" He finished. "Don't get him riled up Hank he won't leave you alone!" Josh exclaims while he looks up at the rearview mirror. "Oh, about bringing you with me I didn't trust you would behave yourself in my absence so I brought you with us against your will" Richard stated "Fucking great I was kidnapped by my own fucking android" Gavin hissed "Anyway I had a pleasant time with Simon, I found your recommendations delightful once we get back home I will get some of those purple columbines you've talked so fondly of," Nines said with delight "I did as well oh! Did I forget to mention hydrangeas?!" Simon said getting excited "We are not having this conversation!" North yelled.


	10. What Time Is It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got a short one boys; the next chapter should be part three of my "mini" Halloween series.
> 
> This chapter is based on something I saw on Tumblr and I thought it was funny.

Fowler was getting impatient he checked his watch for the 3rd time "Hank's late again." He said disappointedly Chris sat up straight while looking at the clock on the wall "How did this happen? I called him at 8 o'clock and pretended it was 11." Gavin overhearing the conversation looking almost surprised "I printed up that fake schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon." He stated, "I set all his watches and clocks to say PM when it's really AM." Connor chimed in. Chris looked a little concerned "Oh boy we may have overdone it" he said while texting Hank to make sure he was okay. Suddenly Hank burst through the door in a state of panic "WHAT TIME IS IT??!!?"


	11. The Queen Mary Part Three: The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to come out I've been really busy
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one

[CA, Long Beach]

It was a spooky October night and the group had arrived at the Queen Mary where they might meet their end but instead of a creepy aesthetic it was actually rather beautiful in the shining lights that were hanging all around and the ship stood tall above it all the Queen Mary, she was a retired British ship named after King George the fifth's wife Mary of Teck, the ship was originally going to be named Queen Victoria but when the ship's makers went to approve the ship to the King he said that his wife would be happy to have the ship named after her, so there they were over 100 years later and she's still going on strong! 

"I still can't believe the only you reason you guys want to stay here is that it's haunted," Connor said as he admired the ship. "I don't feel creeped out by this place at all if anything I'm excited it looks beautifully historic!" Nines said happily "It looks creepy as fuck" North comments, "Well, wait till you step foot in the Queen Mary!" Markus says in a mysterious tone "Yeah but he's a non-believer" Josh says "So if I get scared you know it's real" Nines says jokingly "I feel like the old lady on the Titanic!" Simon says. Markus chuckles "You are the old lady on the Titanic" "While we're here we might as well treat ourselves to valet parking." Hank chimed in "Oh don't forget the snacks!" North says happily as she hugs a bottle of alcohol "Don't you androids know anything? They won't let us walk up with all of these drinks you need to shove them in the suitcases" Gavin says as he opens up his bag to see where some bottles we're located. "So you are useful for something," she says. "The only thing he just did was point out the obvious" Hank said as he got out of the car.

\-------  
The ship's floor on the inside was rather elegant, the ceiling laid out with lights almost giving you the illusion that the whole room was glowing and the plants where a nice touch to it all. To the right of the entrance was a gift shop and further down was a reception desk.

"Oh, they have a princess Diana display!" Simon said with glee as he pointed to the sign that advertises it "Princess Diana is one of the most famous monarchs internationally!" Connor said with excitement "You know after her father inherited the title of Earl Spencer she became known as Lady Diana Spencer." Richard while looking up more things about the princess. "Let's hurry up and check in before they bore us to death," Josh says as he heads for the desk.

"Welcome to the Queen Mary! My name is Veronica, how may I be of assistance for you today?" She said cheerfully "Hello Veronica" Markus greeted "We are hoping to check in we should be under the name of 'Markus Manfred'" "Let me check," she said as she began typing away, in the background you could hear Josh and North bickering like the school children they are while Connor, Richard, and Simon flaunt over a princess. Meanwhile, Hank and Gavin were doing there best to stay composed in a public space they are not ones for public appearances but maybe being accompanied by the revolution leader himself might help influence the way they act. "Mr.Manfred, you and your group requested to stay in two rooms, am I correct?" She asked while looking at the screen. "Yes that is correct" He confirmed "Would you like to hear about what guests have reported in your room?" she asked as the others started making their way to the desk "Sure," he says. "Okay, it says here that guests have reported seeing a woman in a brown dress with a pink bow tied to her waist sitting on the chair underneath the portholes. When she stands up and walks towards the door she turns to mist." "What what room is that?" Josh asks "The suite" she replies "So that's your room Markus have fun!" He said jokingly "What about the other room?" North asks "There have been reports of blankets being pulled off of them while sleeping." "Creepy!" North says "I find that highly unlikely," Connor says from behind North "Just wait till it happens to you!" She sings.

\-------

"Okay so our room is one level up we need an elevator," Markus says trying to get them all in one place "This place is gorgeous I want to live here!" Richard says while gazing at the scenery. "This time I had us set in one of the scariest rooms here M114," North says mysteriously "This time?" Hank asks "Yeah, a while ago we all went to the Fort Shelby Hotel" Simon informs.  
\-------

"Okay, here we are!" Markus says as he pulls out the keycard. The door swung opened the room was dark and ominous it looked like it came straight out of a horror movie. "This is our room? It looks like a death chamber" Simon says hiding behind Markus "Okay, I'm home!" North says as she runs into the room the others follow behind her Connor turns on the light giving the creepy room some life into it. "Well, this is a shithole" Gavin grumbles as he puts his luggage down just as he does the lights start flicking "That's not weird at all" Hank says sarcastically. After a few seconds, the lights shut off by themselves startling everyone "absolutely not, absolutely not!" Josh says while cowering a little bit "Aren't you the androids who fought first hand in a revolution and you're scared of a few broken lights?" Gavin mocked "Hey that revolution was mostly peaceful!" Josh says trying to defend himself. "Look how big this bedroom is it's just so lovely!" Connor gushed "Oh! You know what I brought?" North says as she pulls something out from her bag "My night vision camera!" She exclaims "Of course you have a night vision camera..." Josh says with concern "Let's get this party started!" She smiled "Richard if you don't mind?" She says while gesturing to the lights

Once the lights where off things start getting a little crazier and crazier which involves screaming, talking to 'air' as Gavin likes to say, possibly breaking an entering, and of course lots of drinking from both the humans and the androids.

 

The night has only just begun.


	12. Roy From The Cable Company

It was 10:01 AM and everything was going on as it should be but Captain Fowler seemed more annoyed than usual he had his phone in hand, pacing around the bullpen.

"Something wrong, Captain?" Connor asked "Besides the usual I've been trying to cancel my account but the fucking cable company keeps transferring me to people who keep doing the same. I swear if I get transferred one more time-"  
"Perhaps I could be of assistance, sir."  
Fowler being curious decided to let him help "Sure maybe you'll actually get through to them" Connor followed Fowler into his office to help him, he considered it a mission and he always accomplished his missions "I hope you know I'm not adding this to your pay" "You don't pay me anyway, sir"  
"True."  
\------  
"I've been on the phone for three hours I just want to cancel an account." "Yes you've mentioned the bundles I don't want them just cancel the ACCOUNT!" Connor said on the phone Fowler is just as mad and annoyed at 'Roy' from the cable company then to enjoy the fact that an android is losing it over canceling an account. 

four hours later Connor walks out of Fowler's office he's tie is loose and his hair is in a bit of a mess and to top it all his LED seemed like it was stuck on red.

"Fuck that," he says as he begins to walk out of the precinct "Connor! Where the hell are you going?" Hank asks before he could leave "To get a drink" Connor says as he fixes his tie "I can't miss this!" Hank says as he puts on his coat to follow his android out "The apple doesn't fall far from the fucked up tree huh?" Gavin chimed in "Fuck off Gavin" Hank says as they leave. "I wonder how a cable company could make Connor so upset?" Richard said to himself which caused Gavin to scoff "You may be a supercomputer but a cable company can break anybody" he said as he typed up his latest report "Maybe I can have a better approach than my predecessor" Richard says optimistically "Yea you enjoy that" He said sarcastically.

 

The workday was almost over and Richard still hasn't come out of Fowler's office and the blinds were on so no one could see but if you listen closely you could hear muffled screaming, suddenly a desk went flying through the glass causing the wall facing the bullpen to collapse. Everyone stared in shock waiting for an explanation. "There was a problem at the cable company," he says as he steps over the glass leaving the precinct.

Gavin about to leave for the day went up to Fowler who was still in his office said: "We're fucked aren't we?" "Big time" he responded.


End file.
